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Wednesday, September 30, 2009


My grandmother was a school teacher before she married. Reading to her was the most important thing you could do, so, she taught me to read very young. She had books everywhere. On shelves, under shelves, closets stacked form floor to ceiling. Boxes full form way back when, every room in her house had some form of bookcase. I picked up that habit, it became almost a sin to throw a book away. So I found myself in a rut. Well over 2000 books in my the basement bookcases, 3 bookcases in the living room, 10 bookcases in the dining room, 2 in the bedroom and 2 more in the office. Then there are the stacks on either side of the bed, on the stairs..yeah I know never put anything on the stairs you might trip, but hey c'cmon these are books people!
Well since I have started this odyssey to myself I decided to purge some of them. 1100 books later the GoodWill store cried uncle and told me no more. So I put boxes out side on the lawn with a sign saying free..they went away. The living room is empty, dining room is down to 5. A small stack on 1 side of the bed..6 or so. That's it. My back and shoulders hurt..books are heavy. I haven't tackled the basement yet.thats going to be a winter project..most of those we're my grandmothers and may be harder to get rid of.
It's kind of weird not having all those old friends around but I can get more..kind of symbolism there I think..and I kind of like it.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

This Might Get Loud

Evening Folks
There is a small theater, about 75 seats, a few towns away. I get their newsletter and usually scan it quickly and then toss it. Got it in today's mail, did that, then walked upstairs and stopped. Did I read that right, "This Might Get Loud" was playing here in the boonies? Went back down stairs and dug it out of the's okay, there was nothing disgusting in there, and sure enough it started in an hour. Scrambled into the shower, got dressed and drove the 22 miles to the place. "Oh Crap", almost empty parking lot, maybe I read the wrong day in the flyer. Walked inside and asked the guy working and he told me it was starting in about 15 minutes. Bought my bottle of water and Skittles..sorry Mick , no pop corn, and there was no one else in the theater. About 2 minutes later this sweet looking little old lady walks in and has a seat. We small talked until the movie started.
COMPLETELY AMAZING..I did not want it to stop. I sat through he entire credits, wishing it was a matinee so I could go buy another ticket and see it again. If you have been listening to music in the past 30 years you owe it to yourself to go see this. This woman and I talked about 15 minutes in the parking lot,turns out she was 71, about how nobody saw this and it was just a great movie. It was a good thing we were alone in the place because we were both stamping out feet and drumming on the seats around and in front of us and just having a good ole time. I will buy it on DVD when it comes out but it won't even be close to seeing it on the big screen.
The Edge, Jimmy Page and Jack White..quite possibly 3 of the greatest living guitarists alive..talking and jamming and explaining how music affects them and us..MAN-O-MAN-O-MAN..what a movie.

Monday, September 21, 2009

New Beginnings Entry Two

I don't mean for this to sound terrible..this is a place for me to vent and maybe suck up a little attention which I need. IT HAS been a rough year but it's slowly getting better.
I got my first vacation in 8 years and had a great time {thanks Pup}, I got to see part of the country that was new to me and fell in love with the high desert. Zozobra night was amazing spectacle onto itself. Santa Fe was buzzing over the 400 anniversary and Zozobra. Taos was not quite what I expected, it turned out to be a little Santa Fe, however, Madrid more than made up for it,I could live there happily I think.
Today was the first day in a week that I felt somewhat back to normal. No highs or lows,just okay. Went for walk in the morning which was nice,about 65, nice sunny day, The flowers seem to sense the impending weather and are out in force as if in defiance of the frost forecasts. Work went well, I made a killer mint choc late chip trifle..went through it all. I know there are going to be off days, you can't lose 3 people in 7 months and not have it affect you, but, I can fight back and reclaim my life. I found out that it really is the simple and sometimes little things that make life good. One of the women at supper called me out to the dining room, a very rare occurrence. When I got to her table she started crying and said "That ham and glaze was so good, it tasted just like my mother made when I was little and I never thought I would taste that again. Thank You so much". I almost started crying at that point..that was the way my grandmother made it..her recipe to the letter.
I haven't prayed much in the past few weeks..make that months but I am going to tonight. Its more of a one sided talk with me and the Big Guy but I think tonight might be the night to open the dialog back up. A couple new people to add to my "please watch out for these people if you can" and the rest I will wing.
Night kind to yourself and those that need it
This picture was taken from the backdoor of the kitchen where I work..hope it pleases your took my breath away.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Great Band /Perfect Song

One of the back singers is Richie Havens.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

New Beginnings

I find myself in a unique position. I am 55, reasonable intelligent and been told not to bad on the eyes...actually it was I was not to shabby..and that is from someone who's opinion I respect. Well read, okay conversationalist, can carry the ball in most areas. I like good food, good beer, good company, most kinds of music. Not much of a tv watcher but there can be exceptions to that. I consider myself a good friend..loyal to the end and then some. Accepting of peoples flaws as well as their strengths. Sometimes stubborn but usually not unreasonable. Don't like to fight, either verbally or physically, but back me into a corner and I am going to defend myself. Somewhat shy, but not enough to stay home all the time. I leave the limelight to those that need it. I fit in most anywhere, tend to be a casual guy..if you find a denim jacket that has a frayed collar and sleeves, a ballcap with a worn brim, I will prob be inside them, but when I have to I clean up well. I just went out, well 5 weeks ago and bought 20 pair of jeans, 4 bags of underwear, several bags of socks so I will have way of saying I hate to shop. I have in the past made rash decisions and most turned out okay. Usually I think things through before I make a decision. Level headed, slow to anger, team player.
Until recently pretty grounded, the one that people called when they needed advise, a place to stay, a loan, help moving.
I now find myself alone in the world and its kind of weird. With the exception of a grown son that lives halfway around the world and some 2nd or 3rd cousins I have no relatives. Due to a responsibility I had until recently I let most of my friends slip away. Some passed awsy, some moves away and some just evolved into people I no longer know.
The question/quandry/decision now is what do I do? I have no ties other than a mortage and my house is in a good market area so selling would not be a problem. Maine is where I am from, where I always come back to so in every sense it is home. I have a good job with all the perks but a chef can always find a job.
Up till now this blog has been kind of a casual whatever kinda its getting personal. I have moments of sadness and loneliness. For the most part I am kind of level..not a lot of highs or lows just kind of a glide ot coast..riding with the current so to speak. Moments or clarity and then it gets cloudy. All of the things I took for granted about family and friends are gone. You know Uncle Billy is going to drink to much on Thanksgiving and embarass his wife. Ma is going to make her pecan pie with the burnt crust on Christmas. Well thats no longer a given.
People around me, the few that know whats going on are being incredibly kind and thoughful..have Christmas dinner with us, come over after work on Thanksgiving and have pie and coffee. Know one has said "man that sucks, you gonna be okay"? and that might just be whats missing.
I am a fighter and will work my way through this. I am kinda leaning on one person and thats a great help, I just hope he doesn't snap under the weight, I'm a big guy. Tried praying and that just pissed me off. Tried yelling at the walls and they ignored me. Going to see a grief councelor next week, that should be enlightening.
I prob should have titled this entry "Lost, season one" but thats been done.
Stay tuned for the rest of the saga.

Its been about 3 hours since I first posted this. I have gotten more and more pissed of about the whole situation. One thing I can guarntee, I sure as hell am not going to curl up in a ball, give up and wait to die. FUCK THAT.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Santa Fe through my eyes.

The first of these are of my buddy Mick and then one of the both of us,neither one were taken in Santa Fe but they had to be included. He was part of this saga so its only fair he's given kudos for being there. The rest are random shots taken thursday morning, Sept 10. I was wandering around from my hotel up to the Plaza while they were setting up for the 400th anniversary festival.. It was about 8 till 10 in the morning and the sun was at an angle so giving some interesting light. I hope you enjoy them.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Taking a journey OR a blank slate for an old mind.

Things have a way of not turning out as expected, but I am sure most of you know that. Let me explain.
This is going to sound like an old country song but here goes. I recently took a trip. First vacation in about 8 years other than day trips once in a while. From Maine I headed to the southwest, New Mexico to be exact. A couple of you will think you know the reason why, your partially right but hey, get your minds out of the gutter for a minute and feel the sun on your face. It was kind of a last minute thing. It had been on my mind for a long time but could not do it because of a family situation. Physically the trip went well, better than that actually. Easy flights out with half full planes so I had the entire row to myself on both legs, Continental still gives you breakfast, good weather.
Now what happened is this primarily became a trip of the mind. I have had a lot of stuff happen in the last few years and more in the 6 months and I had not realized how much it had affected me. Through this trip I came in contact with someone almost new to me..myself. I smiled for no reason other than that I felt good. I walked all over town and that is something I have not taken time to do in many years. I bought myself stuff..pottery, a print, a new hat, a hammered tin mirror among other things with no thought other than it was for me..I wanted it, I bought it. I got things for other people but I was always first. I had this weird feeling the first couple days and it hit me like that "good ole boy" whack on the back of the head. This is how I used to feel, that's what was so weird. My only thoughts were what am I going to do today? It helps that I was in an incredible place, amazing vistas for the eye, good weather for the skin and lungs, friendly people everywhere.
I also "met" a friend I have had for 10 years or so but that's another post. He was a big part of it.
I ate like a pig and lost 10 pounds, now that's a diet I can handle.
I am going to try to ad a post here once a week. It is going to become my personal odyssey. If I bore you sorry, start your own blog. This is rants raves, rambles and recipes is it not? I am also going to try to expand on the recipe part..if you want to know how to make something ask..if you want it privately send me your email address.
I am now in a position to be able to help others. My family obligations are nil. I can take a class, take a trip, go to the movies, spend my day off reading a book. I have to figure how to meet people..this is a town of 18,000 people and its not that big, but that will happen in time. I am going to go back to the gym, lose 20 or 30 pounds, shave my head more. Spend more time walking, more time listening, more time trying to rediscover who I am. Its basically a blank slate for an old mind. I no longer have to live in Maine but prob will. Its hard at times but its home.
I get a feeling this is going to be fun, kinda scary at times but fun.
Sept 12th, 11:44 EST, Augusta Maine
Wish me luck.