Perception Versus Reality and Good Soup

Morning Folks
As a chef I make a lot of complicated meals. I get paid to do this and I have the time so I can, however most people are short of time, energy and have a budget so I am going to give you options once in a while of some short cuts I have picked up over the years. This is going to be a quick tasty meal. Buy a large can of V8 juice, 2 cans of condensed tomato soup like Campbells. While your at the store go to the produce department and get a small bunch of fresh basil..usually 10 to 15 leaves. Either buy stuff for a salad or go to the salad bar and make one there. I am the only one that eats salad at my house so this is much more cost effective and saves time from all that chopping. Next stop is the bakery dept and get a loaf of your favorite bread..I like a good crusty on the outside and soft inside loaf for dunking. Not supposed to dunk but hey, your gonna be at home so I won't tell if you won't. That's should be about 15 minutes so far unless you have more to buy. When you get home open the V8 and soup and put on the stove. Take the basil and separate the leaves from the stem, toss the stems out, and chop the leaves up fairly small and toss into the soup. You want the soup to come to a boil and then simmer for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Open or make your salad, slice the bread and set the table. When your ready to eat, sprinkle some Parmesan cheese on top of your soup and maybe your salad and enjoy. You can put in a can of diced tomatoes if you like a heartier soup but, if you do be careful of the heat. The toms tend to sink to the bottom of the pan and burn/stick so you have to stir it more often. This freezes well if you have some left over so all you have to do next time is grab a salad and bread..which you may even already have in the house. Enjoy and hope you like it.
Perception versus reality is the next one here. I have been seeing myself in a different light for the past few weeks and started to pay more attention to how others perceive me as well. Some of you know me personally and some from online contact only. I am 6ft2, 245 pounds, usually either a flattop or shaved head, goatee and stache, fairly deep voice. I tend to wear jeans and tee shirts, denim or corduroy shirts in colder weather. Work boots, boots or sneakers and once in a while hiking boots. Denim or leather jackets. It is a type of clothing I grew up with and is comfortable for me. I see myself as sort of a big teddy bear. However it seems I scare the hell out of people and that kind of bothers me. I intimidate people and that is not what I want to do. On a recent trip I bought a wind breaker type jacket..sort of a blue/gray diagonal design and have started wearing it. People talk to me more in that, strangers say hello as compared to my leather or denim ones. I decide to push this further so I talked to people I work with about their first impressions of me. Nate, captain of the football team, co-captain of his wrestling squad, all around jock, my height and weight but all muscle, recruited by the marines when he finishes high school. 17 when he started washing dishes, 18 now. He almost quit on his first night cause he was so scared of me, I thought he was just shy. Annie, 5 feet even, maybe 100 pounds. First meeting she walked up to me and call me Scooter..no idea why. She still does and when I asked why and she did not have an answer..just said he seemed to fit..she still does. I recently shave my goatee off and left a fu-manchu/70's porn star stache. So I put on a pair of dress pants, a white shirt and tie, tweed sports coat and went out to do some research. I went to the mall, Sears, Target and Barnes and Noble and eventually Olive Garden. What an amazing difference. People said hello or nodded, some started talking about whatever. This was primarily women of all ages and older folks my age. Now very curios I went home, traded to black jeans and tee shirt, black leather jacket, boots and a Yankees ball cap. Now back to them all except Olive Garden. About 3 times as many men as women nodded as I walked by, sort of a "hey buddy" kind of thing. I was avoided like the plague at Barnes and Noble. Walmart was jackpot of nods and the occasional hello. Almost all men again. Most women would not even meet my eyes and kids would not either. Went to a HallMark card shop and was followed around by 2 employees like there was sign on my back saying shoplifter.
I guess we all are products of our environment, upbringing and what we see on tv. Without making a conscious choice, at least I don't think it was I dress like the bad guy. Being tall and big I have no choice in, same with my voice. My facial hair I like, I am starting to grow my goatee back..it's been prob 40 years I have had one and its to much a part of me to let it go. Guess I will change my name to Snidley Whiplash and get on with it. This may be common knowledge to you people but it was kind of a shock to me. I tend to react to most people with an open mind till they give me something to work with to form an opinion. Maybe being big helps me not be intimidated..don't know. There are rare times when I see or meet someone and all my self defense mechanisms start screaming..those people I watch very closely but that has only happened a couple times and it has paid off. I just had to get away from these people at all costs and I listened to my intuition.
Well folks, I feel great this morning. Going to go for a walk, take some pictures of the foliage for a later post and then get ready for work. I am going to try to go to Boston on my day off and just wander around. If you have any comments leave them here or send an email. You all be safe and take care of yourselves.
Happy Trails
Dale

Randon images from the last few days

Not much else to say.

Books

Morning
My grandmother was a school teacher before she married. Reading to her was the most important thing you could do, so, she taught me to read very young. She had books everywhere. On shelves, under shelves, closets stacked form floor to ceiling. Boxes full form way back when, every room in her house had some form of bookcase. I picked up that habit, it became almost a sin to throw a book away. So I found myself in a rut. Well over 2000 books in my house..in the basement bookcases, 3 bookcases in the living room, 10 bookcases in the dining room, 2 in the bedroom and 2 more in the office. Then there are the stacks on either side of the bed, on the stairs..yeah I know never put anything on the stairs you might trip, but hey c'cmon these are books people!
Well since I have started this odyssey to myself I decided to purge some of them. 1100 books later the GoodWill store cried uncle and told me no more. So I put boxes out side on the lawn with a sign saying free..they went away. The living room is empty, dining room is down to 5. A small stack on 1 side of the bed..6 or so. That's it. My back and shoulders hurt..books are heavy. I haven't tackled the basement yet.thats going to be a winter project..most of those we're my grandmothers and may be harder to get rid of.
It's kind of weird not having all those old friends around but I can get more..kind of symbolism there I think..and I kind of like it.
Dale

This Might Get Loud

Evening Folks
There is a small theater, about 75 seats, a few towns away. I get their newsletter and usually scan it quickly and then toss it. Got it in today's mail, did that, then walked upstairs and stopped. Did I read that right, "This Might Get Loud" was playing here in the boonies? Went back down stairs and dug it out of the trash..it's okay, there was nothing disgusting in there, and sure enough it started in an hour. Scrambled into the shower, got dressed and drove the 22 miles to the place. "Oh Crap", almost empty parking lot, maybe I read the wrong day in the flyer. Walked inside and asked the guy working and he told me it was starting in about 15 minutes. Bought my bottle of water and Skittles..sorry Mick , no pop corn, and there was no one else in the theater. About 2 minutes later this sweet looking little old lady walks in and has a seat. We small talked until the movie started.
COMPLETELY AMAZING..I did not want it to stop. I sat through he entire credits, wishing it was a matinee so I could go buy another ticket and see it again. If you have been listening to music in the past 30 years you owe it to yourself to go see this. This woman and I talked about 15 minutes in the parking lot,turns out she was 71, about how nobody saw this and it was just a great movie. It was a good thing we were alone in the place because we were both stamping out feet and drumming on the seats around and in front of us and just having a good ole time. I will buy it on DVD when it comes out but it won't even be close to seeing it on the big screen.
The Edge, Jimmy Page and Jack White..quite possibly 3 of the greatest living guitarists alive..talking and jamming and explaining how music affects them and us..MAN-O-MAN-O-MAN..what a movie.
Dale

New Beginnings Entry Two

I don't mean for this to sound terrible..this is a place for me to vent and maybe suck up a little attention which I need. IT HAS been a rough year but it's slowly getting better.
I got my first vacation in 8 years and had a great time {thanks Pup}, I got to see part of the country that was new to me and fell in love with the high desert. Zozobra night was amazing spectacle onto itself. Santa Fe was buzzing over the 400 anniversary and Zozobra. Taos was not quite what I expected, it turned out to be a little Santa Fe, however, Madrid more than made up for it,I could live there happily I think.
Today was the first day in a week that I felt somewhat back to normal. No highs or lows,just okay. Went for walk in the morning which was nice,about 65, nice sunny day, The flowers seem to sense the impending weather and are out in force as if in defiance of the frost forecasts. Work went well, I made a killer mint choc late chip trifle..went through it all. I know there are going to be off days, you can't lose 3 people in 7 months and not have it affect you, but, I can fight back and reclaim my life. I found out that it really is the simple and sometimes little things that make life good. One of the women at supper called me out to the dining room, a very rare occurrence. When I got to her table she started crying and said "That ham and glaze was so good, it tasted just like my mother made when I was little and I never thought I would taste that again. Thank You so much". I almost started crying at that point..that was the way my grandmother made it..her recipe to the letter.
I haven't prayed much in the past few weeks..make that months but I am going to tonight. Its more of a one sided talk with me and the Big Guy but I think tonight might be the night to open the dialog back up. A couple new people to add to my "please watch out for these people if you can" and the rest I will wing.
Night All..be kind to yourself and those that need it
Dale
This picture was taken from the backdoor of the kitchen where I work..hope it pleases your eye..it took my breath away.

Great Band /Perfect Song

One of the back singers is Richie Havens.

New Beginnings

I find myself in a unique position. I am 55, reasonable intelligent and been told not to bad on the eyes...actually it was I was not to shabby..and that is from someone who's opinion I respect. Well read, okay conversationalist, can carry the ball in most areas. I like good food, good beer, good company, most kinds of music. Not much of a tv watcher but there can be exceptions to that. I consider myself a good friend..loyal to the end and then some. Accepting of peoples flaws as well as their strengths. Sometimes stubborn but usually not unreasonable. Don't like to fight, either verbally or physically, but back me into a corner and I am going to defend myself. Somewhat shy, but not enough to stay home all the time. I leave the limelight to those that need it. I fit in most anywhere, tend to be a casual guy..if you find a denim jacket that has a frayed collar and sleeves, a ballcap with a worn brim, I will prob be inside them, but when I have to I clean up well. I just went out, well 5 weeks ago and bought 20 pair of jeans, 4 bags of underwear, several bags of socks so I will have them..my way of saying I hate to shop. I have in the past made rash decisions and most turned out okay. Usually I think things through before I make a decision. Level headed, slow to anger, team player.
Until recently pretty grounded, the one that people called when they needed advise, a place to stay, a loan, help moving.
I now find myself alone in the world and its kind of weird. With the exception of a grown son that lives halfway around the world and some 2nd or 3rd cousins I have no relatives. Due to a responsibility I had until recently I let most of my friends slip away. Some passed awsy, some moves away and some just evolved into people I no longer know.
The question/quandry/decision now is what do I do? I have no ties other than a mortage and my house is in a good market area so selling would not be a problem. Maine is where I am from, where I always come back to so in every sense it is home. I have a good job with all the perks but a chef can always find a job.
Up till now this blog has been kind of a casual whatever kinda place..now its getting personal. I have moments of sadness and loneliness. For the most part I am kind of level..not a lot of highs or lows just kind of a glide ot coast..riding with the current so to speak. Moments or clarity and then it gets cloudy. All of the things I took for granted about family and friends are gone. You know Uncle Billy is going to drink to much on Thanksgiving and embarass his wife. Ma is going to make her pecan pie with the burnt crust on Christmas. Well thats no longer a given.
People around me, the few that know whats going on are being incredibly kind and thoughful..have Christmas dinner with us, come over after work on Thanksgiving and have pie and coffee. Know one has said "man that sucks, you gonna be okay"? and that might just be whats missing.
I am a fighter and will work my way through this. I am kinda leaning on one person and thats a great help, I just hope he doesn't snap under the weight, I'm a big guy. Tried praying and that just pissed me off. Tried yelling at the walls and they ignored me. Going to see a grief councelor next week, that should be enlightening.
I prob should have titled this entry "Lost, season one" but thats been done.
Stay tuned for the rest of the saga.


Its been about 3 hours since I first posted this. I have gotten more and more pissed of about the whole situation. One thing I can guarntee, I sure as hell am not going to curl up in a ball, give up and wait to die. FUCK THAT.